The Comeback to Creative Self
4 years is a long time to stay away from something that once felt like home.
For me, that “home” was painting. Crafting. Color. The quiet hum of brushes against canvas. The sacred mess of a desk covered in possibility.
And then one day, it was all gone.
After stepping away from art for 4 years, I recently gave myself permission to try again. Not to be brilliant. Not to be productive. Not to prove anything. Just to see how it feels.
No pressure.
No perfectionism.
No harsh inner critic hovering over my shoulder.
Just curiosity.
But I’ll be honest — buying the materials was easier than touching them.
For 2 weeks, the blank sketchbook sat there.
Waiting.
And I kept postponing that first line.
Because creativity isn’t always just creativity. Sometimes it holds memories. Sometimes it carries versions of us we barely survived.
The Day I Let It All Go
Back in 2023, during the darkest season of my life, I destroyed every single painting I had ever made.
Over 50. Maybe 70. Different sizes. Different seasons of my life captured in color.
I took the biggest knife and cut through them all.
It wasn’t about the canvas. It wasn’t about the art.
It was about the pain I didn’t know how to carry anymore.
Depression didn’t arrive overnight. It built itself slowly — through years of emotional strain, disappointments, mental exhaustion, and loneliness. Until one day, I cracked.
That day, I remember thinking:
“If no one cared about them, why should I?”
“Why carry this weight into a new chapter?”
“Why pack sadness into boxes and move it with me?”
I was moving back to my hometown. My heart already felt heavy enough. So I tore through the paintings like I was cutting ties with a life that no longer felt survivable.
It hurt.
It felt like cutting pieces of my own soul.
But at the same time, it was the only release I knew how to access. I didn’t want to hurt myself. I wanted to hurt the pain.
There’s a difference.
And sometimes when you’re drowning emotionally, you just need the storm inside to come out somehow.
I prayed for 2 weeks straight during that period. I asked God to forgive me. To keep me alive. To help me endure. Because the thought of someone I love feeling that kind of pain? That alone kept me breathing.
Eventually, I found the strength to call my mom and say, “I can’t live like this anymore. I need to come home.”
And I left.
I threw away almost everything. Paints. Brushes. Books. Clothes. Objects that felt heavy with memory. I decluttered my life down to the essentials.
But healing? That part took longer.
Five Years Later…
I’m still healing.
Healing isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a Pinterest timeline. It doesn’t arrive with a bow.
But something shifted recently.
I didn’t feel the urge to create because I “should.”
I didn’t feel the need to monetize it.
I didn’t even feel the need to be good at it.
I just felt… curious.
So I bought the supplies again.
And when I finally touched the pencil to paper, I realized something beautiful:
The art wasn’t judging me.
The paper wasn’t angry at me.
The colors weren’t holding grudges.
My creative self was still there.
Waiting patiently.
What I’m Learning About Creativity After Trauma
You don’t have to go back the same way you left.
You’re allowed to be a beginner again.
Art doesn’t demand perfection — it invites presence.
Destroying something once doesn’t mean you can’t rebuild.
Healing and creating can coexist.
This time around, I’m not painting to impress.
I’m painting to feel.
And that feels revolutionary.
The Making of Lunar Goddess
In October 2025, something quietly awakened in me.
Not loudly. Not dramatically.
Just a soft inner knowing.
That’s when I started working on my Divine Feminine Collection — a print-on-demand series that includes mugs, pillow covers, tote bags, and women’s t-shirts, each carrying a different affirmation. Ten in total. Ten energies. Ten truths.
But one of them… stayed with me.
“I do not chase, I align.”
I don’t know how to explain it other than this — it didn’t feel like I chose the affirmation.
It felt like it chose me.
The moment I read it, something in my chest clicked. My mind instantly painted an image I hadn’t seen in years. And I remember pausing, almost confused:
Why do I feel this so strongly?
Why now… after more than 4 years of not painting?
And deeper than that…
What would it feel like to actually bring this vision to life? To hold it in my hands? To look at it with admiration instead of fear?
That question changed everything.
From Vision to Canvas
The idea translated into an elegant, ethereal feminine figure — dark, grounded, yet deeply connected to light.
I started with pencil.
Slow lines. Careful. Almost hesitant.
Then came black and white acrylics — simple, controlled, intentional.
And then… something unexpected.
Gold leaf.
A technique I hadn’t touched in years. The last time I used it was on religious icons, back in primary school and later in art high school. I had almost forgotten how it feels to work with something so delicate, so… sacred.
But it came back to me.
Not perfectly. Not technically flawless.
But intuitively.
And that’s when the painting truly came alive.
The gold didn’t just add beauty — it added light. Depth. Energy. Presence.
When I sealed it with gloss, I remember looking at it and thinking:
This feels… premium.
This feels whole.
This feels like me — but healed.
Why “Lunar Goddess”?
The name came naturally, just like the vision.
Her hair flows freely, almost as if it’s moving through air — or through something unseen. Within it, you’ll notice symbols: circles, dots, subtle shapes that can be interpreted as stars, planets, fragments of a universe.
Because that’s what she is.
A universe within herself.
At the center, there are circular elements — energies layered one above another. The upper one, glowing, represents the connection to the divine. The unseen. The higher self. The source.
Lower, we move into form. Into body. Into grounding.
Her body itself appears slightly cracked — not broken, but textured. Real. Earth-like.
Because she is not perfect.
She is integrated.
She carries both light and weight.
And between her eyebrows, there is a rhombus shape — a subtle reference to the third eye. Her eyes are closed, yet she sees. She doesn’t chase anymore. She doesn’t force.
She aligns.
What This Painting Taught Me
This piece is more than art.
It’s a mirror.
When you look at it, you might see peace.
Or strength.
Or healing.
Or maybe even your own story reflected back at you.
Because art… meets you where you are.
For me, it represents something deeply personal:
The moment you stop running.
The moment you stop forcing.
The moment you trust that what’s meant for you will meet you… when you are aligned with yourself.
The Timeline That Proved Everything
Looking back, I can finally see it clearly.
October 2025 — I created the collection.
January 2026 — I launched it.
March 2026 — I’m sharing this painting with you.
I didn’t rush.
I didn’t force.
I allowed.
And that… is alignment.
The Fear Was Still There
Let’s be honest — the fear didn’t magically disappear.
Before I started sketching, my mind was loud:
What if you fail again?
What if nobody likes it?
What if you create something… and hide it?
What if you don’t recover your investment?
These thoughts?
They don’t stop you.
You stop you… when you listen to them.
Because if I had listened — truly listened — this painting would not exist.
And I would have never known how beautiful it could become.
A Gentle Reminder for You
Starting over isn’t a weakness.
It’s courage in its purest form.
So if you feel the pull to create again — don’t rush.
Don’t attach.
Don’t overthink it.
Just start.
Let it be messy. Let it be slow. Let it be imperfect.
Create… and then let it go.
And if it feels right after? Share it. Tell its story. Let people connect with it.
And most importantly — do it with intention.
Because when you create from alignment… you will feel the difference.
And maybe, just maybe…
you’ll come back to yourself too. 💛
Stretched Canvas (12x16)
A high-quality 12x16 stretched canvas set made from 100% cotton, pre-primed with white gesso so you can start painting right away. Perfect for acrylics, oils, and mixed media, these canvases offer a smooth, professional surface for both beginners and experienced artists. Ideal for relaxing solo sessions or creative paint nights at home.
Mini Wooden Easel Set (20 Inches, Pack of 4)
A portable and lightweight wooden easel , perfect for beginners, hobby artists, and creative gatherings. This 20-inch tripod easel provides a stable base for small canvases, making it ideal for painting, drawing, or displaying artwork at home, in classrooms, or during fun group activities like pajama parties or family art nights.
Imitation Gold Leaf Sheets (100 Sheets Pack )
Add a luminous, luxurious touch to your artwork with these imitation gold leaf sheets. Designed to mimic the rich shine of real gold, they create stunning light-reflecting effects on paintings, crafts, and decorative pieces. Easy to apply and resistant to fading, they’re perfect for elevating your art with depth, texture, and a hint of elegance.
Acrylic Paint Set (12 Colors, 75ml Tubes)
A versatile acrylic paint set featuring 12 rich, highly pigmented colors, perfect for a wide range of creative projects. With a smooth, blendable texture and waterproof finish once dry, these paints work beautifully on canvas, fabric, and DIY crafts. Great for beginners and artists who want vibrant results without overcomplicating the process.
No-Spill Paint Cups with Lids (12-Pack, Multicolor)
A set of 12 no-spill paint cups designed to keep your creative space clean and stress-free. Made from durable, non-toxic plastic and featuring secure lids, these cups are perfect for beginners, casual painting sessions, or fun group activities like family art nights and creative gatherings. Easy to clean and reusable, they make the painting process feel more relaxed and enjoyable.
10-Piece Black Paint Brush Set (Nylon Hair)
A versatile 10-piece paint brush set designed for acrylic, watercolor, oil, and mixed media projects. Featuring a variety of shapes and sizes, these brushes make blending, detailing, and layering effortless. With durable nylon bristles and comfortable handles, they’re perfect for both beginners and experienced artists exploring their creative flow.
20-Pack Golden Two-Hole Triangular Picture Hooks with Screws
A set of 20 sturdy, golden triangular picture hooks with mounting screws, ideal for hanging framed art, paintings, photos, or decorative pieces. Made from durable metal with an electroplated finish, these hooks provide reliable support while adding a subtle touch of elegance to your wall displays. Perfect for home galleries, studios, or exhibitions.
Paint Tray Palette
A set of 4 sturdy, lightweight paint trays designed for kids and beginners to mix colors easily. Perfect for art classes, workshops, birthday painting parties, or home creativity sessions, these plastic palettes are easy to clean and durable, helping young artists explore their imagination without mess or stress.
These were my 8 Amazon art supply recommendations — I truly hope you enjoyed reading this article, as I put a lot of heart and thought into it.
If my story touched you, it makes me happy. At times, I struggle to fully express my deep emotions or to feel understood, so this new reset in art and tangible creativity feels almost unreal to me. I hope to keep painting regularly because it feels good, relaxing, and keeps my mind engaged. Gosh, I was so scared I had lost my little talent!
Don’t let fear hold you back — not past experiences, not family, not friends. Do what you feel, when you feel it, because everyone has their own unique timeline in life.
Also, please don’t be disappointed if not everyone resonates with what you create. Your happiness matters most. Painting, crafting, and creating are forms of self-therapy. And if at some point you feel exhausted, drained, frustrated, or angry… it’s okay to take a break. A long break if you need it. You can store your projects, donate them, or just set them aside. And when you feel called to create again, nobody can stop you.
If you’re looking for more crafting supplies, I’ve got you, boo: Crafting must-haves
Or if you want to explore my curated list with my personal art supplies, check out: Art supplies
Lastly, if you’d like to follow me on both of my Amazon storefronts and stay updated with product video reviews, collages, ideation lists, and more, click the link of your choice and hit the follow button :
Disclaimer: Some links in this article contain Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn commissions at no extra cost to you.
I’m not responsible for taxes, shipping fees, delays, refunds, returns, or product availability — these are fully handled by Amazon customer support. I’m also not responsible if a recommended item goes out of stock or changes in color, size, or price.
All images on this blog article belong to me. You are not authorized to download, use, or repurpose them to mislead, impersonate, or claim as your own. This content is protected by intellectual property law.
If you enjoy my work and want to connect, feel free to check out my social media platforms and follow me — I’d love to connect with you:
If you ever come across someone impersonating me, please let me know. Thank you so much for your trust and kindness!
With love,
Carmen